CatastroPhy

Born into a world on 23rd march at 5.30am on a Thursday; mum sat knitting. Born in 1 minute. A childhood of accidents: dropped down stairs, drank bleach, jumped into a fire, rolled down a hill and cut my vag open, broke my ankle on a swing…social services enter and i jump of my ma’s knee and brake my other ankle. Fun times. 

First real words spoken age 4. Scared to death of dolls in my room, of open doors and of the dark. Favorite things were playing dress up. I used to iron towels and socks by my mothers side as we listened to ELO :). Earliest memory, thinking my brother broke my arm after practicing a wrestling move on me. 

Being bitten by the weird kid in nursery. Being the most naughty kid in the school from the age of 4-8- REALLY, i was a terror. Making dances up in the playground to spice girls. I was sporty spice, apparently. Getting super sporty. Swimming at 5am before school at ages 9-11 and then swimming and dancing for around 6 hours a day. 25m backstroke in 17seconds. Leaving sport for music. Pia pia piano. Sing sing sing. Dancing.

Being one half of the ‘academic twins’. Ruining my youth. Virginity lost to a complete cunt. Hurt, but wasn’t drunk. Mental illness. Five years of self abuse, a serious suicide attempt, two years of therapy and sometime spent on the mind dulling drug known as prozac. Diagnosis: General anxiety disorder with bulimia nervosa… thinking ‘nothing general about this…is there?’ Extremely creative and feeling invincible. Home made bongs and vegetarian hot dogs were my only input. Sampled cannabis and met the only person who has ever understood me. Cured. 

A long time being horizontal with my one. Talking. Singing to Alanis Morisette at the top of our lungs and eating nachos.Alot of time spent in cars, in tents, in a little room in my house designated for smoking. Dropping not a single mark in my psychology or media A-level. Recognising my dream of being a designer was probably unattainable. 

Moving away. No tears. A lot of time spent with one of my best friends. Philosophy and literature indulgence. Wetherspoons for £2 dinner. A haze of uni and perhaps the most mishmash of people. Being entirely content. Finally. Realising most dreams are unattainable.

Running away my worries. Sweating out my pointless existence. Just another form of self-destruction. Bored with being boring. Travelling….